The Sad Gaze

O how sad your gaze wanders over me!
unto pleasure and suffering - what did it want from me?
O how painfully your eye casts its tears
on me and my life - what did they want from me?

I saw your suffering smile wander through the room
out to emptiness and pain, to truths
you never dared to look at or see.
I saw your body resting so heavily, so tenderly.
you stroked it against me - what did it want from me in this moment?
I saw your hair fall in the thought of me,
the pearls of sorrow stroking your soft features,
the pain of struggle filling you - was all this for me?

In the dream you could scream whatever you wanted,
The curse of thought and the delight of desire…
and I understood nothing of your words;
In pain you lacked everything you never had.

I wanted to shout a painful forgiveness
in the dream you never entered,
I wanted to caress you to peace,
to a life you never found rest in,
I wanted to love you again
with a love I never expressed before,
I wanted to give you my life,
that I had wished for you in my dreams
again and again, but never
really given.

I understand the pain of your tears
for the life you never had,
I understand your longing for life,
that no one understands,
I understand your desire,
that you never revealed;
for I have seen and beheld
all that you have never had.